By Mauricio O. Dias – comoeueratrouxa
I rewrote one scene of the film, and have inserted three brief ones to make a joke. The total of new material equals to three pages, and they are in boldface characters at the end of the text.
Most of the material below is just the original Quentin Tarantino’s text, which has to be here to create a context.
INT – ENGLISH COUNTRY ESTATE – DAY
A young MILITARY ATTACHE, opens the sliding double doors
that serve as a entrance to the room.
Right this way, Lieutenant.
A snappy handsome British Lieutenant in dress browns, steps inside
the room. This officer, who has been mixing it up with
the Gerrys since the late thirties, is named LT.ARCHIE HICOX.
A young George Sanders type (The Saint and Private affairs of
Bel Ami, years).
Upon entering the room, Lt.Hicox is gobsmacked.
Standing before him is legendary military mastermind,
GENERAL ED FENECH, a older George Sanders type (Village of the
Lt. Archie Hicox, reporting sir.
General Ed Fenech, at ease Hicox.
if you offered me a scotch and plane
water, I could drink a scotch and
That a boy, Lieutenant. Make it
yourself, like a good chap,
will you? Bars in the globe.
Hicox heads over to the bar globe.
Something for yourself, sir?
Whiskey straight. No junk in it.
The Lieutenant moves over to the Columbus-style globe bar, and
busies himself mixing spirits, playing bartender chappy.
Fenech, eyeing the Lieutenant’s file.
It says here you’ve run three
undercover commando operations in
Germany, and German occupied
territories? Frankfaurt, Holland,
and Norway to be exact?
Back to them, mixing drinks, he says;
Extraordinary people, the Norwegian’s.
It says here you speak German fluently?
Like a Katzenjammer Kid.
And your occupation before the war?
His back still to us, as he bartends…
LT. H I COX
I’m a film critic.
List your accomplishments?
Well sir, such as they are, I write
reviews and articles, for a publication
called; “Films and Filmmakers”.
As well as our sister publication.
What’s that called?
“Flickers Bi-Monthly”. And I’ve had
two books published.
Impressive. Don’t be modest Lieutenant,
what are their titles?
LT. HI COX
The first book was called; “Art Of The
Eye’s, The Heart, and The Mind:A Study
of German Cinema in the Twenties”.
And the second one was called …
He turns around with his whiskey and plain water, and the General whiskey no junk. He finishes what he was saying, as he walks toward the General, handing him his drink.
“Twenty-Four Frame Da Vinci”.
It’s a subtexual film criticism
study of the work of German director
G.W. Pabst. What should we drink to, sir?
Down with Hitler.
All the way down, sir.
Are you familiar with German cinema
under the Third Reich?
LT. HI COX
Yes. Obviously I haven’t seen any of
the films made in the last three
years, but I am familiar with it.
Explain it to me.?
This little escapade of ours,
requires a knowledge of the German
film industry under the Third Reich.
Explain to me UFA, under Goebbels?
Goebbels considers the films he’s
making to be the beginning of a new
era in German cinema. A alternative
to what he considers the Jewish
German intellectual cinema of the
twenties. And the Jewish controlled
dogma of Hollywood.
And how is Goebbels doing?
They are doing quite well, actually.
Since Goebbels and his gang
have taken over, film attendance has
steadily risen in Germany over the
last eight years. But Louis B.Mayer
wouldn’t be Goebbels proper opposite
number. I believe Goebbels see’s himself
closer to David O.Selznick.
Lt.Bicox, at this point in time I’d
like to brief you on, Operation Kino.
Three days from now, Joseph Goebbels is
throwing a gala premier of one of his
new movies in Paris –
– What film sir?
The General has to resort to peeking at his file.
The motion pictures called; “Nation’s
Oh, you mean the film about Private
We don’t have any intelligence, on
exactly, what the film that night
will be about.
It’s about Private Fredrick Zoller.
He’s the German Sgt.York.
Fenech can’t help suppress a smile, they have the right man.
In attendance at this joyous Germatic
occasion, will be Goebbels, Goering,
Boorman, and most of the German High
command, including all high ranking
officers of both The S.S., and, The
Gestapo. As well as luminaries of the
Nazi propaganda film industry.
The master race at play, aye?
Basically, we have all our rotten
eggs in one basket. The objective of
Operation Kino…. Blow up the basket.
(Reciting a poem)
“…and like the snows of yesteryear,
gone from this earth”. Jolly good, sir.
An American Secret Service outfit,
that lives deep behind enemy lines,
will be your assist. The Germans call
them; “The Basterds”.
“The Basterds”, never heard of them.
Whole point of the secret service,
old boy, you not hearing of them.
But the Gerrys have heard of them,
because these yanks have been them
the devil. Their leader is a chap
named Lt.Aldo Raine. The Germans
call him, “Aldo the Apache”.
Why do they call him that?
Best guess, is because he removes the
scalps of the Nazi dead.
He runs his finger along his hairline.
Like a red Injun.
Rather gruesome sounding little
Dicky bird, isn’t he?
No doubt the whole lot, a bunch a
nutters. But you’ve heard the
expression, “It takes a thief”.
General Fenech continues on with his exposition, moving over
to a military map.
You’ll be dropped into France, about
twenty four kilometers outside of Paris.
The Basterds will be waiting for you.
First thing, you go to a little village
(He points it
out on the map)
Apparently the Gerrys never go there.
In Nadine, there’s a tavern, called,
“La Louisiane”, you’ll rendez-vous
with our double agent, and she’ll take
it from there. She’s the one who’s
going to get you in the premiere.
It will be you, her, and two German
born members of the Basterds. She’s
also made all the other arrangements
your going to need.
How will I know her?
I suspect that won’t be too much
trouble for you. Your contact is
Bridget Von Hammersmark.
Bridget Von Hammersmark? The German
movie star is working for England?
For the last two years now. One could
even say Operation Kino was her
brainchild. You’ll go to the premiere
as her escort, lucky devil. She’ll also
have the premiere tickets for the
other two. Got the gist?
I think so, sir. Paris when it sizzles.
General, I’m awfully glad to be
part of something of this magnitude.
But I’m afraid that at this very moment
I have to deal with a considerable more
What do you mean?
This a little awkward… I need to use the
(points to the same
door through which
LT.HICOX has entered)
End of the corridor, left door.
INT – CORRIDOR – DAY
A long hallway, seven feet width, many doors on both sides.
LT.HICOX walks fast through it.
Damn bladder! What will the General
think about me?
One of the LATERAL DOORS opens. LIEUTENANT JAGGER appears on the corridor.
Archibald! What are you doing here?
Michael! Long time no see!
The two men enthusiastically shake hands.
Are you gonna join the Intelligence team?
Michael, I’m awfully sorry, you know
I’d love to sit and catch up with you.
But at this very moment I need to see
the old W.C.
Oh, I see. Last door on the right.
On the right, you said?
Yeah! Go, man, go!
Thank you, pal! I swear we are gonna
sit down for a tea as soon as possible.
LT.HICOX keeps walking through the corridor. He arrives at the last door on the right side and opens it.
INT – WINSTON CHURCHILL’S OFFICE – DAY
WINSTON CHURCHILL is seated on a chair, drinking scotch,
while a SECRETARY types.
LT.HICOX is completely shocked.
May I help you, lieutenant?
I’m awfully sorry, sir. I was
looking for the restroom.
Did you ask for W.C.?
I might have, sir.
This is an abbreviation for my name.
(points ahead, while
looking to the glass of
scotch on his hand)
The restroom is on the front door.
Thank you, sir!
LT.HICOX closes the office door.
INT – RESTROOM – DAY
LT.HICOX gets in, looks at the mirror, sighs, and washes up his face.
He goes to one of the toilettes.